The accidental handyman

Done reinstalling the hydraulic closer on our screen door that was damaged because I forgot to lock it the night Typhoon Mina was whipping us with gale force winds. It looked easy at first — just a couple of screws that needed to be jammed back to their places — but the damn task still took  three spins of Guns N’ Roses’ Appetite for Destruction for me to finish. That, and curses. Lots of it.

My wife said: “Why don’t you just pick some bum off the street and let him do the work for P50?” Perhaps she didn’t realize it, but she might as well have asked me to cut my balls off and consider a career in fashion designing. It went straight to my ego, and my ego cried foul.

So I toiled over the task and literally sweated over it and got pissed several times and, at one point, had painfully admitted — to myself, mind you — that I’m not cut for this shit. But perseverance won, and it got me a happy ending.

If there’s one thing I learned from the porn movies of my youth, it’s that good things happen to a friendly neighborhood handyman.

Fuck buddies

Saw Friends with Benefits earlier and liked it. Not because I dig the idea of casual sex, but I think the movie’s funny and, dare I say, cute. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake have this convincing onscreen chemistry that I last saw between Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in The Wedding Singer, which, incidentally, is a favorite.

I am such a sucker for romantic comedies.

Also worth noting in Friends with Benefits: Woody Harrelson as a gay sports editor, and a cameo by Emma Stone, who made my heart skip a beat playing a rock chick in The Rocker.

Absent again

Got soaked in the rain on my way home last night, and when I got home past midnight I was so tired and sleepy that I collapsed on bed with my soggy clothes on. (Kids, don’t try that at home, unless you have iron lungs or suicidal.) So this morning I woke up with hacking coughs and aching chest and the nasty feeling that everything in the world is fucked.

Anyway, will just stay in bed today and read and sleep and drink liquids and consume all the Vitamin C in the world. Also take some of those lagundi tablets for good measure. I was told they’re super effective but warned of their taste. How come anything that’s effective must taste like shit?

Holy crap!

The two movies I’m excited to see this year have Justin Timberlake in them!

But screw Justin (although admittedly I think he has some decent acting chops in him, like in Black Snake Moan). I’m gonna see these movies for the chicks, man. Mila Kunis and Cameron Diaz… especially Cameron Diaz. I was in high school when I first saw her, and she was seducing Jim Carrey in The Mask. We had some pretty wild nights in my head after that.