Dear readers (yes, the two of you),
We are saddened to inform you that Mr. Karl Kaufman, the owner of this blog, has been reported missing and presumed dead by the PNP after seven full minutes of investigation. Needless to say, this blog has reached the proverbial end of the road.
Mr. Kaufman was last seen emerging from 71 Gramercy, a hip trendy nightspot along Kalayaan Ave., with the Curtis-Smith sisters Anne and Jasmine on Saturday night, and being whisked into a waiting black SUV driven by what looked like a Russian lesbian in full dominatrix regalia. Witnesses said he was obviously plastered and mumbling incoherently with a “shit-eating” grin on his face.
His family said a memorial will be held once pigs learn how to play the piano.
Those who wish to send their condolences without smirking can do so here.
Sincerely yours (but not really),