In which bye-bye is in order

Dear readers (yes, the two of you),

We are saddened to inform you that Mr. Karl Kaufman, the owner of this blog, has been reported missing and presumed dead by the PNP after seven full minutes of investigation. Needless to say, this blog has reached the proverbial end of the road.

Mr. Kaufman was last seen emerging from 71 Gramercy, a hip  trendy nightspot along Kalayaan Ave., with the Curtis-Smith sisters Anne and Jasmine on Saturday night, and being whisked into a waiting black SUV driven by what looked like a Russian lesbian in full dominatrix regalia. Witnesses said he was obviously plastered and mumbling incoherently with a “shit-eating” grin on his face.

His family said a memorial will be held once pigs learn how to play the piano.

Those who wish to send their condolences without smirking can do so here.

Sincerely yours (but not really),

The administrator

Smells like (short) nostalgia

Screw you, Charles R. Cross. Screw you and Heavier Than Heaven. Screw you and your research. Now I can’t let a whole day pass without listening to either Bleach or Nevermind or In Utero… and feeling the soul-crushing weight of April 1994 again. Screw you and your damn book to hell.

Of course, I’m aware that many have dismissed Heavier Than Heaven for being based mostly on the narrative of the most untrustworthy of sources — the blabbermouth Widow. But that doesn’t make his story any less painful, at least to me, a 90s kid who’s more than just a casual listener of his band and, for good or ill, considers him some sort of a personal hero, corny as it sounds.

Now excuse me while I scratch old wounds.

Guy named Richey

Listening to “A Design for Life” on YouTube. Manic Street Preachers keeping me company at 2 a.m.

Just finished reading Manic Street Preachers: Sweet Venom by Martin Clarke. Details of Richey Edwards’ harrowing battle with mental illness — the self-mutilation, the eating disorder, the dependency on drinks, and finally his disappearance — shook all the sleep out of my system. Like death, mental illness has always been a terrifying and yet fascinating topic for me.

Richey Edwards. Left his hotel room without checking out in 1995 and was never seen again.

I could follow up on his sad story by reading Rob Jovanovic’s A Version of Reason, but I’m afraid doing so would put me in a very dark place inside my head, and from there it would be a long hard crawl back to the light, and even then I doubt if I could come out of it whole.

So I picked The Hot Kid instead, by the late Elmore Leonard. Critics can accuse Leonard of a lot of things, but writing depressing stuff is not one of them.

“A Design for Life” has just ended. I think I’ll listen to it one or two more times, jump to bed with The Hot Kid (man, that sounds… weird),  read until sleep comes and the vision of a lonely boy with cuts on his arms fades away.

And tomorrow when I wake up, I’ll welcome the sunshine more than ever.

Metal up your derrière

It would be more awesome if Megadeth, Kreator and Death Angel — three thrash metal bands set to visit the country this year — would be on the same bill. Perhaps the organizers could dub it Metal Thrashing Manila* and give the local longhairs the night of their lives (and a reason to wear that cool patched denim jacket they scored from ukay-ukay).

But alas, the metal gods aren’t that accommodating. Megadeth will perform in August (rescheduled from March 7, reportedly), while Kreator and Death Angel will be part of Pulp magazine’s annual heavy metal hellraiser Summer Slam on April 26.

Kreator rippin’ it up at the 7107 International Music Festival… NOT!

I’m not sure about checking out Megadeth despite the new schedule. Saw them on a stormy night in July 2012, and although it turned out to be an unforgettable gig, I just can’t bring myself to get excited about a second helping of Dave Mustaine. Also: The P3,620 GA ticket price isn’t helping me change my mind. But we’ll see. I remember getting turned off by the ticket price in 2012.

Kreator, on the other hand, is a different devil. With Death Angel (a band I’ve seen before but interested to see again) on the same bill as well as Hatebreed, Bullet for my Valentine and the Black Dahlia Murder, there’s no reason why I should spend April 26 anywhere but Amoranto Stadium, moshing and drinking with like-minded friends like adulthood never happened.

Meanwhile, I torture my eardrums with the latest from Behemoth.

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*Reference to the Anthrax song ‘Metal Thrashing Mad.’